The Doucheoisie

The term "douchebag" made a big comeback in 2007. Whether it just became more socially acceptable to publicly refer to a douchebag as a douchebag, or whether there are just so many more douchebags out there that it became ubiquitous, I'm not sure. All I know is that hardly a day went by this year that I didn't look at someone and think, "What a douchebag."

Don't ask me why I know this, but John Mayer is pontificating on the meaning of douchiness. He should have just checked Urban Dictionary. Or he could swing by here for a visual explanation (thanks to hotchickswithdouchebags.com for the pics that obviously came from that site):

This guy is a douchebag.
So is this guy.
And this one.
Him too.
A-Rod is also a douchebag.
And Sean Hannity is like the King of the Douchebags.

Lest there be any confusion, here is a handy chart to help you spot a douchebag (click on the picture for a larger image):

Current Events

Pakistan's Interior Ministry announced today that former prime minister Benazir Bhutto, who was assassinated yesterday, was the victim not of a government-orchestrated hit (as alleged by many of Bhutto's supporters) but of an attack by our old friend al Qaeda. This action on the part of the Pakistani government seems to indicate that it is once again acceptable to start blaming things on al Qaeda, a refreshing change of pace from blaming things on George W. Bush (which is kind of like shooting fish in a barrel). Dip in the Dow? Blame it on al Qaeda. Airport delay? Definitely al Qaeda. Traffic jam? Lost shoe? Stubbed toe? Al Qaeda, al Qaeda, and clumsiness -- although you could probably get away with blaming the clumsiness on distraction as a result of stress and worry, so we'll go ahead and pin that one on al Qaeda, too. Whether this means we will actually start looking for Osama bin Laden again, instead of just spending billions of dollars to blow up Iraq over and over, remains to be seen.

In domestic news, anti-abortion activists in Colorado have taken a break from intimidating vulnerable teenage girls to picket the homes of construction and security workers building a new Planned Parenthood clinic. During the holidays. This from the same people who say you don't have to like the war to support the troops. Apparently it's a different story if the murdered innocents in question are American fetuses rather than Iraqi civilians.



Co-Worker Jennifer just busted into my office and we had this conversation:

C-WJ: Did I already tell you what I've been laughing about all morning?
Me: No.
C-WJ: Britney Spears' little sister is pregnant, but the best part is that her mom had to cancel the Christian parenting book she was writing! I wonder if there was a chapter on abstinence.
Me: I heard. That is hilarious!
C-WJ: I'm sorry to just bust in here like this, are you doing work?
Me: Yes.
C-WJ: (incredulously) Really?


Cold As Folk

At the moment, it is 8 degrees outside in Anchorage, Alaska. Conversely, it is 81 in Asmara, Eritrea, where I'm supposed to be right now. However, given the distinct possibility of war, freezing my ass off in Anchorage may not be so bad after all.


Peep This

Peep Show is hilarious. The Guardian calls it "the best comedy of the decade." In short:
Mark Corrigan and Jeremy 'Jez' Osborne are always caught up in some form of malaise, constantly at each other's throats as they struggle to find a direction in life. Jez has aspirations to become a musician, but his efforts resemble the Prodigy on a very bad day! Meanwhile, Mark is stuck in an interminable office job, where the object of his affections--co-worker Sophie--is the only thing which keeps him sane. Racked by nerves and insecurity, the lengths Mark goes to in order to impress Sophie often leaves her in a state of bewilderment. It's all presented in a subtle combination of point-of-view shots and voiced-over internal monologues, hence the title.
Season 1: After being thrown out by his ex-girlfriend, Jeremy--an egotistical wannabe pop star--moves in with his socially-backward college friend Mark. While Jeremy lives in awe of his idiotic mate, Super Hans, and their beautiful but brittle neighbour Toni, Mark is in hot pursuit of the love of his life, co-worker Sophie.
Season 2: Mark finds an obstacle in the way of his quest for office crush Sophie’s love, in the form of his macho rival, Jeff. Meanwhile, Jeremy has fallen madly in love with a confused Californian Christian named Nancy, and embarks on a visa wedding which he hopes will be 'the happiest administrative procedure of their lives'.
Season 3: Jeremy tries to get over his disastrous marriage to Nancy by embarking on a series of ill-fated relationships with women--one of whom is Mark’s sister. In the meantime, Mark has finally managed to start dating Sophie--only to discover she’s being relocated to Bristol!
Season 4: Having proposed by accident to Sophie, Mark now faces the horror of having to actually go through with the wedding. Or will he...? And when Jeremy's beautiful ex-'visa wife' Nancy unexpectedly turns up again, how far will he go to win her back?
Don't let another day go by without some Peep Show in your life. You can watch old episodes online here.


Wooden Anniversary

Today is the fifth anniversary of the day I moved to Alaska.


Help Wanted

Superheroes (and supervillains for that matter) tend to make their own costumes, weapons, and accessories--not to mention they pick their own trade names and catchphrases. But what if a superhero was totally inept at everything artistic, not creative, and couldn't sew? Following up on a barroom discussion from the other night, I decided to find out. I did what I would do if I was an un-artistic superhero with no sewing or graphic design skills: I posted ads on Craigslist. I'll write a follow-up post with the responses if I get any good ones.

1. Posted under art/media/design jobs:

Superhero Needs Name and Logo

I'm an aspiring superhero, but I need help coming up with a name and logo.

I'm looking for a creative person who is familiar with the superhero genre and who has graphic design and marketing/advertising experience. I really want to use my powers for good, but I feel like I can't do anything until I have a good name.

Please send a resume and digital portfolio. Successful applicants will be asked to sign a confidentiality agreement.

2. Posted under nonprofit jobs: [1]

Superhero Needs Costume Help

I recently discovered that I have superpowers. I want to use my new powers to help people--I want to be a superhero, but I don't have a costume.

I can't sew, I have no idea how to design clothes, and my tailor, Rose, laughed at me, said no, and then started talking really fast in Korean when I approached her about this, so now I need to hire someone to make my costume.

You should have experience designing clothing or have worked as a costumer. You should be comfortable working with athletic wear and/or stretchy materials, space-age (and possibly extra-terrestrial) fabrics, capes, masks, boots that are comfortable to run in, and not be shy about creating something that looks like it has the underwear on the outside.

Experience with law enforcement and crime fighting is preferred, but not necessary. A confidentiality agreement will be required and enforced (this is very embarrassing for me--most superheroes can make their own costumes). Please send a resume and digital pictures of examples of your work
[1] This was originally listed under skilled trades/crafts jobs, but was flagged for removal. Probably by the guy who responded to the ad by calling me "super dork."