- "It's a breakfast sandwich--you know, bacon, cheese, eggs. It's not quite as good as McDonald's. It's from Chevron."
- "Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't want your penis anywhere near my vagina."
- "I used to live right by the railroad tracks on Spenard in between two whore houses. It was great."
- "My pee smells like tunafish." 
- "The only people more annoying than Red Sox fans are Sarah Palin supporters."
- Liquor Store Salesman: "We don't take checks anymore."
Surprised Customer: "Why not?"
Liquor Store Salesman: "We were bought by the Canadians."
- "I can't tell--is she cute or have I just been living in Anchorage for too long?"
BONUS MATERIAL: Not Overheard, But Still Witnessed In Anchorage
Seen: A guy showed up for a party at a bowling alley after spending the day hunting moose. He was wearing snow pants and snow boots--not uncommon up here this time of year, but there was snow mixed with moose blood and little bits of moose encrusted on his boots and the cuffs of his pants. The snow then started to melt, leaving moose blood all over the floor around the lanes. I pointed this out to him and he went to the bowling shoe rental counter, grabbed a towel, wiped up the blood, and then put the towel right back on the counter. Ah, Alaska.
Read: I've been reading a lot of Chuck Klosterman lately. I re-read most of Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, and I'm in the middle of Chuck Klosterman IV. He's hilarious, and I find his pop culture musings quite insightful. Check him out. Here's a sample:
It's like this: You used to be able to tell the difference between hipsters and homeless people. Now, it's between hipsters and retards. I mean, either that guy in the corner in orange safety pants holding a protest sign and wearing a top hat is mentally disabled or he is the coolest fucking guy you will ever know.