12.17.2008

'Tis The Season

I received two Christmas cards at work today. One from Governor Sarah Palin and family and one from the Marijuana Policy Project. That made me laugh.

Obvious political differences aside, the cards couldn't be more distinct. MPP's has this old picture on it with the slogan "We're making marijuana prohibition a thing of the past." The Gov's card has a cute picture of Trig. Sitting in a gift-wrapped box. Wearing a tiny Santa suit. Eating a bow. This picture is under the words "With special, child-like faith..." The phrase continues on the inside of the card to read: "May you see the Glory/the Wonder, the Miracle/of this Holy Season./Have a blessed Christmas and New Year./God Bless You."

If you're still looking for a gift for the hockey mom who has (almost) everything, I think a copy of the Establishment Clause would be a perfect present this year.

Good News

Seasons 1-4 of Newsradio are on Hulu. I'm not going to get anything done today.

12.06.2008

Iron and Whine

As of this date/time I have officially lived in Alaska for six years. That is longer than I have lived anywhere except Brooklyn (birth-9 years old) and Manalapan, NJ (9-17).
Candy is the traditional sixth anniversary gift. Iron is the modern, less traditional offering. You know what would be awesome? If someone got me a hunk of iron. I could really use one of those. Or an anvil. That would be nice too.

I Know What I'm Talking About

Crazy Guy On The Street: Did you hear? Obama just said he was going to arrest Bush and Cheney for knockin' down them towers!
Me: No he didn't.
Crazy Guy On The Street: Yeah, you're right.

12.03.2008

This, That

  • I've been warning people about Somali pirates for years. Seriously. Everyone should start listening to me more.
  • I'm not normally one to succumb to road rage, but if you have a McCain/Palin sticker and a Ted Stevens sticker on your car and you are driving 15 mph below the speed limit, you're going to hear it from me.
  • I don't know much about cars (though I did recently (all by myself) successfully install two new speakers and new fog lights in my car), but I think my snow tires were put on incorrectly and they may come flying off at any moment. The fine mechanics at the Tesoro station on the corner of Gambell (or Ingra) and 4th Ave. assure me they were put on properly. This is just to give notice of who is to blame if my tires should suddenly shoot off whilst I'm driving.
  • Dog on duck action. Not consensual. I love the Internet.
  • Several times during the past week I have found myself wearing nothing but boxer shorts, wool socks, and a down jacket. I'm not sure why or how that keeps happening.
  • First thought: Congratulations, Maia! Second thought: great, there's another book that I won't have time to read.
  • I heard Human Nature the other day and I realized that I am old: I remember Michael Jackson when he was black (barely).
  • I keep accidentally listening to the Christian Rock station when I'm driving.
  • I came home late the other night and there were two(!) Christian Slater movies on cable at the same time (one of which is just slightly better than the other): Kuffs (the only redeeming quality about this movie is that Milla Jovovich was in it. How does a movie like that even get made?) and Pump Up The Volume (awesome soundtrack. And who didn't want to start a pirate radio station after seeing that?). I watched neither and went to bed. My Own Worst Enemy, admittedly a terrible program, has provided all the Christian Slater I need these days.
  • "Almost, but not quite" sums up a lot of what has been going on with me lately.
  • I wrote about David Foster Wallace's suicide a few months ago. It was shocking and unexpected. If you are a fan, you should read this article, The Lost Years and Last Days of David Foster Wallace, which lets us into his private world, a world that is much less glamorous than the globetrotting writer lifestyle he seemed to lead. I had no idea; turns out he was severely depressed for a long time. I really appreciated the view of the world DFW could put down on paper. I understood what he was writing and I wished I could see things like that. I thought "this guy really gets it." I'm having trouble processing this. I don't know what to make of the fact that he was so miserable and low, except that I kind of wish I was really fucked up so I could write something brilliant.
  • I found a case of Girl Scout cookies hidden in the conference room at my office today. This discovery led to a lengthy discussion with my colleague's 12 year old daughter who was spending the afternoon with us. After giving her a few of the bountious Thin Mints (and promising not to tell her dad because I think they limit her refined sugar intake (smart parenting there)), we talked about our favorite type of Girl Scout cookie: Samoas. They are delicious, but can anyone tell me why they are called Samoas? I spoke with someone who is Samoan about this and she assured me that a donut-shaped vanilla cookie covered with coconut, caramel and chocolate is not a uniquely Samoan creation. Nor was that recipe invented by a Samoan or is it in any way native to the island of Samoa (or American Samoa, for that matter). Quite a mystery, though in some places they have been re-christened "Caramel Delites" which sounds like the name of a dietetic candy old ladies buy at the Dollar Tree.
  • Lisa thinks Thin Mints are the best. I complained that Samoas are better because you can eat more of them--mint just doesn't lend itself to repeated consumption, while the Samoa flavors do. Lisa disagrees. She thinks too much coconut is gross. Thus the gauntlet has been thrown: she thinks she can eat more Thin Mints than I can eat Samoas. I will meet this challenge. And it will be recorded and put online.
  • Several weeks ago (closer to two months now) I got a call from Eloise, a special friend I don't talk to nearly enough. 70 minutes after she called I hung up the phone and I was smiling more than I had in a long while. Talking to Eloise always makes me feel better--even when I'm feeling pretty good to begin with. And she reminds me that I'm sane and it's the rest of the world that's crazy. Thanks, E.
  • Early contender for Quote of the Month, from WWTDD (link NSFW): "Because of course Kim Kardashian would pose naked again. What the hell else is she gonna do, clerk for the Supreme Court?"