6.24.2009

This Week In Equality

Public hearing #4 on the Anchorage equal rights ordinance was last night. Meh. Just more of the same: anti-ordinance zealots blathering on the evils of gayness inside the assembly chambers and uninformed adults and brainwashed kids spewing vitriol on the lawn. Going to these hearings has started to feel like going to a bar or a party where you know all the people that are going to be there: "Ugh, it's going to be those same ABT kids hanging out, saying stupid shit, and wearing red again..."

The only difference this time was that this group of Redshirts seemed even trashier than before. They must have been the fourth string. It was as if instead of busing people over from the church, they just swung by Walmart and picked up a bunch of stragglers.

That sign says "98.5% of America is Straight." Not sure where they got their statistics from (there was no citation to authority on the sign). Based on their conclusion, someone did some further social science research and wanted to share his findings with them:

What could that sign possibly say?

As always, there were lots of kids there. This one was carrying a sign that was bigger than he was:

And this kid really needs to learn the definition of irony:

Um, 14-year-old child, how did you come to wind up at the protest tonight, wearing red, waving that ridiculous sign? Did someone ask you to come? Or encourage you somehow? You know those are synonyms for "recruit," right? Just checking.

Know what else is ironic? Being totally gay and not knowing it while protesting against gay rights:
Also ironic: dressing your totall gay little dog up in ant-gay rights gear.

But blowing up the irony meter is fan favorite Dog the Bounty Huner, who showed up in assless chaps. Yes, he wore assless chaps to protest against gay rights. I love this guy.

And, hey, Dog: for future reference, if people can smell your clothes from 20 feet away, you might be wearing too much leather.

And a message to the Redshirts: protest signs are more effective when they make sense. I don't have any idea what this is supposed to mean:


Jerry Prevo was there, flanked by his security guards all night:

The three guys in the foreground (who all had those Secret Service earpieces)--the dude in the red coat, the guy who didn't realize he was wearing a New York Liberty jacket, and the Walter Sobchak-looking fella in the black vest--comprised the least intimidating security force of all time:
The poor-man's Walter was my favorite. Mainly because he was dressed for some sort of battle in the library lobby: he had a lot of pockets and was wearing combat boots. I'm 98.5% certain that he got beat up all the time in high school and now thinks he's way more important than he actually is b/c he runs security for Jerry Prevo.

Finally, there's Geran, who couldn't decide what kind of sign she wanted to make. You aren't allowed to bring signs into the assembly chambers, and when she walked in with these, the security guards didn't know what to do:

Because of all the testimony, the Assembly still hasn't been able to debate the ordinance or vote. The next date that there could be another public hearing is July 7.

6.19.2009

Witness The Awesomeness

I'm so glad I recorded Wednesday night's public hearing. The Pretards are like gifts that keep on giving.

This particular guy looked totally gay. I was shocked when he said he was opposed to the ordinance. But I should have known better: No self-respecting gay man would wear stonewashed jean shorts.

He was a little out of breath when he began his testimony, and he had a nervous lilt to his voice. But what came out of his mouth was pure gold. I'm tempted to comment on it and tear it apart, but I think it would be best for you all to just read it through and fully absorb its awesome ignorance. I transcribed it word-for-word:
Hi. My name is David [redacted].

I’m here today to say I’m um opposed this. I think it’s totally messed up.

Um, we’re talking about freedom here, right? Freedom? If I want to own a business I should have a right to desire to have a good employee or not or to have some land. If I’m going to rent my house out, I should be able to rent it out to someone who I know, or who I trust, or someone from my church. But if I don’t believe that the lifestyle that they live is wrong, then why should I have them live under my circumstances?

And what about freedom, right? Freedom of speech. When I was in high school I got hit on by a couple of gay guys, okay? What is that? That’s a freedom of speech. They had the freedom to come out and say, “Hey, I’m gay. Would you like to take me out? Or, "Would you like to go out with me?” Right? Is that freedom of speech?

Knowing that they have that freedom of speech they also took the right in their mind to say, "Hey if I say this I could get discriminated, right?" I could pointers—fingers pointed at me. I could get sued. Same with Christianity. If I claim that I’m a Christian and I go out and I try to witness, I can get my lights punched out. I can get discriminated. I know that, but I still stand up for what I believe in. If you don’t stand up for Christianity then what else do you have? And what about people that say they are discriminated? Is that really discrimination?

I don’t remember too much about history, about Martin Luther King, but I do remember the blacks and the whites—that was discrimination, okay? If you walked out there an hour ago you saw everybody on the grass having a good time, am I right? Now back in the day, if you saw a black man or a black woman walking down, what would they do? They would point, they would shun them and say hey go away, you’re black, you sit on back of the bus [points behind him], you get that water fountain [points to his right], you get that bathroom [points to his left]. That is discrimination, all right? That is discrimination.

All of us here get discriminated at one point or another, am I right? We all get discriminated?

And how about the way this is all planned? You know? I’m not too involved in politics and I never voted until after I got married because I didn’t give a flip, but now I do. And who is this acting mayor? Is he acting mayor? Then why is he in charge of all this? I mean, is he really in charge? Or are we just twiddling out thumbs here? And how about all these other issues that we’ve had in the past that has been on the ballot? I never knew what a ballot was until I got married. What does that say about my wife? She-she-she got me where I am today.

Is there any questions?
Maybe just a few, starting with, "Um, what?"

6.18.2009

Pretarded

The equality quandary continues. Following last week’s public hearing on proposed Ordinance 64, which would amend Anchorage’s Municipal Code to prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity, the Assembly had to schedule two more hearings in an attempt to hear from all of the people who signed up to testify. This is highly unusual--generally, few people care about what the Assembly does. But, when an ordinance is proposed, a public hearing is required, and (literally) busloads of people have come to speak out against 64 because, apparently, if we protect the LGBT community from discrimination, something really really really bad is going to happen. Like really really bad. I can’t quite figure out what that bad thing is, but all of the people testifying against the ordinance, and all of those who have been shipped up to wave signs against it, are very afraid of something. They don’t come out and say exactly what it is (Death? Hell? The Apocalypse?), rather they just say something about how being gay is wrong and how Jesus is the Lord of Alaska. (Picture shamelessly stolen from The Mudflats).

Why are so many people testifying? It’s not because they are politically attuned, it’s because the Alaska Religious Right, led by Pastor Jerry Prevo, has employed an interesting political tactic while mobilizing his Pretarded followers into a committed mindless mob. Under the Anchorage Municipal Code, there doesn’t seem to be any limit to the number of people who can testify on an ordinance. Individuals are limited to three minutes each, but the Assembly allowed people to continue to sign up at each hearing. So, at the first hearing, 350 people signed up and they heard from about 90. At the second hearing, they plowed through another hundred, but two hundred more, mostly against the Ordinance, signed up. This meant that public testimony could continue indefinitely.

Such a “backdoor filibuster” looks like the Redshirts' strategy: with unlimited and constantly expanding public testimony, they could preclude the Assembly from voting on the ordinance for another couple of weeks until conservative Mayor-Elect Dan Sullivan takes over. Their hope is that if the ordinance passes when Sullivan is in the big chair he will veto it, which current Acting Mayor Matt Claman would not do. So they bus kids in from all over (even from a church in the lower 48, according to the Anchorage Daily News), pack people in to testify, and hope to put this off. Fortunately, at Wednesday's third day of testimony the Assembly Chair capped it and said all of the people who have signed up, all 550 of them, would be allowed to testify (the public hearing will continue next Tuesday), but no more people will be added to the list.

So, here’s a short summary of where things are at now: The third day of public testimony closed with testimony having been taken from 370 people. There are about 200 to go, and once the public hearing is gaveled closed, the Assembly will consider and debate three different versions of the proposed ordinance, including versions that gut many of its key provisions in an effort to appease Prevo and the Pretards. But those people don’t want to be appeased, they really just want it just torn up, or put off until Sullivan can veto it. The interesting thing is that this approach could totally backfire. Dan Sullivan does not want to deal with this. Why would he? Sullivan hopes to be a moderate leader and if he is faced with this issue, he is going to have to take a controversial stand immediately upon taking office: either strike down the ordinance (if it passes), thereby taking a firm anti-LGBT stance, or let it stand and draw the ire of the right. He can’t win.

I went to the Round 2 protest on Tuesday night, and I watched a lot of the Round 3 testimony on Wednesday. I was going to do a live blog thing about the testimony, but the moronic comments came 2 Fast and 2 Furious, and every few minutes I had to stop watching and bang my head against the wall for a while (more on that in a minute).

The scene at the protest on Tuesday was totally different than last week. A lot of people talked about organizing an event that was less adversarial and more community oriented--a picnic, a potluck, some drum circles, folk music, and what have you. Lame as that sounds, it all came together really well and was more of a Burning Man-esque party than anything else. There was a DJ spinning on the lawn outside the library, dancing, hula hoops, pizza, hipsters on ironic bikes, rainbow boas, some frisbees, and several aspiring fire jugglers. (Thanks to the ADN and tsdak for some of the pics.)






The kid who wanted his $2 from Lane Meyer was there too:


I was remiss that I didn’t bring glow sticks or a pacifier. Or my giant Flavor Flav clock. Despite the party atmosphere, there was still a touch of protest. Witness some sweet blue-side signage:




And of course the Redshirts still had their stupid signs:

Here is Kimberly Jong-il, one of last week’s favorites, holding one of the Redshirts’ new signs that also doesn't make any sense:


Now, I don’t have the bestest grasp of the English language, and I can’t diagram a sentence to save my life (I think I was out sick the day they taught us that in school), but I have decent grammar and I know there are some problems here. Like, why is "Civil Liberties" capitalized? And shouldn't there be a comma in there someplace? And what the hell does that mean anyway?

In this context, immorality is code for gay. So gayness is to blame for our economic problems? Please. Who spends more money than gay men? Without them our economy would have tanked 10 years ago.

The Dog The Bounty Hunter guy came back, flames and all:


And he brought a friend:

I stayed home on Wednesday night to watch the testimony on TV. I almost jumped out of my seat when Dog (real name Brian) stepped up the mic, still wearing his Oakley Thumps (leaving your shades on to testify: an undeniably classy move). I was so excited. And he did not disappoint:
"I spent 23 years of my life locked up in the prison system in the department of corrections. I watched young men from 17 to 20 to 30 years old with people doing 600, 700 years, get raped without their consent, being held down with individuals.

The Alaska Administration Code, in the Department of Correction policy and procedure, is there will not be any homosexual activity inside incarcerations. DOC rules prohibit homosexual activities. I don’t know how they can approve somethin’ out here in the community when it is illegal inside institutions."
Where to begin? Prison rape is certainly a problem, and if Dog wants to do some work on prison reform, we’d love his help. However, his argument that because homosexual activity is banned in prison it should be banned “in the community” is slightly off-the-mark. First, all sexual intercourse is banned in inside correctional facilities. Inmates aren't allowed to fuck each other, and guards aren't allowed to fuck inmates. Period. Doesn't matter if you are gay, straight, black or white. It's prison! No sex! (Except for conjugal visits). There are lots of other things that aren't allowed in prison, like guns (and shivs), should we ban all of those "out here in the community" as well? Second, his argument has absolutely nothing to do with the ordinance, basically, all he could say was "gay sex is bad."

His rant was pretty typical. The people that testified against the ordinance all exhibited the following characteristics: (1) self-proclaimed Christian; (2) fear of God/belief in the Word of God; and (3) failure to read and/or understand the ordinance they were testifying against. I swear, some of them really seem to believe that the Assembly is trying to make homosexuality mandatory or require people to have hot gay sex on the street in front of preschools.

Not surprisingly, many of them had the same talking points:
  • Christianity good, gay bad.
  • Gay marriage should be illegal. (It already is in Alaska).
  • The ordinance was rushed and pushed through too quickly. (Total bullshit. The Assembly hasn’t even discussed or debated it yet. This ordinance was put forward the same way any other ordinance comes before the Assembly. The only difference is that for this one they will allow over 500 people to publicly testify before debating it. And in response to all of that public testimony, several amended versions have already been proposed. So, they are taking their time and are responding to the public outcry. They are basically doing everything right.)
  • It should be discussed “furtherly” (see above).
  • It should be put to a vote of the people. (You can’t just set a proposed ordinance up for a popular vote. That's not how it works. There are ways to put such matters before the voters, but when an ordinance is proposed, the Assembly must consider it.)
  • Special interest groups are behind this ordinance. (Churches are special-interest groups too, you know.).
  • “I’ve never seen a gay person get discriminated against." (That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I’ve never seen someone rob a bank, that doesn’t mean it shouldn't be illegal.)
Some of them didn't even talk about the ordinance. They just got up there and read scripture or started preaching at the Assembly members. It was crazy, and, really, I just can't take someone seriously who is wearing a giant red Coca-Cola shirt. Here are some direct quotes:
  • "They don’t need this ordinance because they already have rights: They have a parade; They have gay bars where they can hang out."
  • “Homosexuality is a choice; it’s un-Christian.”
  • “We are all protected by the constitution, but that doesn’t mean we are all entitled to the same thing.”
  • (read this with a thick Russian accent): “In supermodel business, these women are supposed to be of certain size, a certain height, and it is okay to discriminate against women who are overweight, and they are allowed to do that.”
  • “You don’t need a new policy. There is no discrimination. I could line everybody up in here tonight and they could all tell you how they’ve been discriminated against.”
  • “We have a God-given right to protect our children. Vote no to make Anchorage a safer place.”
  • “Discrimination is not necessarily a bad thing, in fact in many instances it’s a good thing.”
  • “These ordinances go beyond protecting a class of people from being discriminated against and protects a sinful behavior that should be discriminated against.”
  • (again, Russian accent): “If we allow this kind of behavior—men with men and women with women--there are gong to be no babies made. In Russia there is not enough babies. People have to pay other people to get the babies for them. If this kind of behavior happened in Russia, I don’t know, would be scary. . . If all of a sudden a rose wanted to become a tulip, there is a reason we have this many tulips and this many roses. There is a reason we have this many men and this many women.”
  • "This country was founded on rugged individualism, but we basically have a nanny state which is being approved here by a large part of our assembly."
  • “There is a lack of any credible problem and protection exists. If there was a problem, the ACL (sic) and the feds would have made the municipality fix it.”
Crazy arguments that don't make any sense are all the rage these days. Consider the lunatics calling for Lettermans's head:



Much like their cohorts in Anchorage, the Letterman protesters had their facts slightly askew:
Okay, in order: Letterman never joked about rape, the joke was aimed at 18-year-old Bristol, it was a baseball game [not basketball], the language is Yiddish not Jewish, Letterman has a son out of wedlock, I suppose it’s possible his wife is a slut although I don’t know for sure, America’s periods of isolationism have historically led to wars the country was ill-prepared for, and mouth-rape is somewhat less of a threat to your children than teaching them ironclad certitude at protests against late-night television shows.
See you next Tuesday for Round 4.

6.11.2009

Models Is Smart Too

As I mentioned in the previous post, Mrs. Alaska made a very lame odd appearance at the protest last night, marching in support of continued discrimination against the LGBT community. You can watch her brilliant explanation at the 1:13 mark of this news clip. She displays quite a firm grasp of both the legislative process and the distinction between municipal and state matters:
As Mrs. Alaska I represent married women and Alaskans and I find it shocking that the assembly is trying to pass this ordinance without giving Alaskans the right to vote.
Did I say "firm grasp?" I'm sorry. I meant "she has no fucking clue." Unfortunately for the future of our society, that wasn't even the dumbest quote on the segment. That honor belongs to a teenager named David Drovkov who said, "I’m rebellious; I’m against those gay people that wanna be just free. I just don’t know why they just can’t keep quiet." Oy vey.

Back to Mrs. Alaska. There is so much material here, I don't even know where to begin. First, it turns out that she isn't even the real Mrs. Alaska! Thanks to Geran for passing along this tidbit from Bent Alaska:
UPDATE: Renee Scott is not Mrs. Alaska America, she's "Mrs. Alaska United States," for a pageant run by Laura's Modeling and Talent agency and sponsored by Harley Davidson of Alaska, among others. The June 9 Assembly hearing was listed on the pageant event page, and she'll be riding in the city's July 4th parade. (Note: The Mrs. Alaska *America* pageant is very gay-friendly and they are livid about this.)

And, according to this page on their site -- http://www.mrsak.com/local_pageants.html -- it's the local to the Mrs. United States pageant. The Alaska page at that site doesn't link to the local page, but does give the names of the Alaska directors as Laura Dagon and Jeannine Jabaay. Laura Dagon is the founder & director of Laura's Modeling & Talent Agency.
So, the Mrs. Alaska who showed up at the protest is only a second-tier pageant winner. A second-tier pageant sponsored in part by Harley Davidson. Awesome. Congratulations. But let's not forget about the other sponsor: Laura's Modeling (which, it turns out, is actually just Laura Modeling (& Talent Agency, of course)). I clicked on their "Success Stories" link and checked out a few of the "stories." One thing is abundantly clear: Laura needs to learn how to spell. And some grammar lessons would be good too. Apparently, English isn't covered in the Charm School classes she offers. These are direct quotes from the Laura Modeling website. The short ones are captions from pictures of her "Success Stories" and the longer ones are the "Success Stories" themselves:
  • Logan Grove- from Butte, Alaska was "Over-all Child model" when he attended the 2004 AMTC with Laura
  • Check out Logan's own web site www.logangrove.com The inside photo of him in a hospital bed is him acting in an episode of "ER the untold story" summer of 2008 he will be in a movie called "What's happening" he plays Robert DeNaro's son. Go to Block Buster and rent "Christmas do over" and "Mr.Woodcock" Logan is in both of them,,,,HOW COOL,,,,,
  • Megan Grove....yes Logan's big sis,,,another super star
  • Megan is a doing very well in the acting industry,,she has appeared in a national Mcdonald's tv ads and acted as a runway model for the famous doll in a tv commercial,,,did you guess "Bratz"
  • Local Alaska Teenager from Laura Modeling signs contract with top modeling agency IMG Models in New York.,does this work
  • Emerald modeling in Japan,Emerald's head shot, with Laura got her started in a career she only dreamed of,
  • Kate as her own albumn,"Faith is the Hunter". Rolling Stones magazines say she is one to look out for,,a super star. While at AMTC she was so well liked they offered her a full scholarship to come back!!!! Now you know why!!!
  • Tiffany before and After in so many ways,,,…
  • Jordan Denielle a winner still winning
  • Jordan has grown so much since AMTC 04,,she placed in several competitions, was offered a contract with the Moragan Agency,,even appeared in an Episode of "Zoom",, a senior at Service High, with plans to go back to AMTC again, now that she is older and can make college plans around modeling she is not giving up,,,see her here in alot of local fashion shows...
  • Thad is another one of those stories,,"everyone tells me I should become a model" well standing at 6'3 and those good looks, Laura took him back to AMTC in June 2006,, while on an elavater during the conferance he starting talking to just another guy about how he is a carpentor in Alaska,,,little did he know later that week he was a major agent from New York,,,the rest of the story,,,he gave him a call and and invited him to New York to cast for a lead role in Trading Spaces...talking about quick,,,it can happen!!! by the way Thad built the make-up counter in Laura's office ,,,,,how dreamy,,,,
  • Ruthie called and talked to Laura about wanting to model, she felt unsure of whether she was model matterial, Laura's Model workshop shaped her into what she always wanted to be,,,,within weeks of her training she was in the Alaska Bride and Groom magazine , appearing in large ads for MTA,several local fashion shows, did promotional modeling for very elite Safarri ,Ruffed Grouse,and Ducks Un-limited, a great Hostess for the monday night football games with a major company in town, Every job she worked, the companies called to ask if she would work for them,,,Not happening, Laura trained her to be one of her best Modern Day Charm school teacher.
Let's just leave it at that.

6.10.2009

Just Equal, Not Special

Last night the Anchorage Assembly held a public hearing on extending the Municipality's anti-discrimination laws to prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity in matters of employment, housing, and public accommodations. If Ordinance No. 64 passes, it will be illegal to fire someone from their job, refuse to rent them an apartment, or deny serving them in a restaurant because they were gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender in the Municipality of Anchorage. Sounds fair, right?

Not to everyone. Led by Jerry Prevo, the pastor at the Anchorage Baptist Temple (basically he is AK's version of doughy hate walrus Jerry Falwell), hundreds of people showed up to protest. And by "showed up" I mean "were bussed in from as far away as Wasilla." And by "people" I mean mostly children--I estimate that over half of the anti-equality protestors were under 18. And there were plenty of kids there under 15 and some as young as 5. It was disgusting; these kids have no idea what the ordinance is about, what the issues are, or why they were there. They were basically pulled out of bible camp and given red shirts to wear and signs to wave (the anti-equality folks wore red, those of us who want to live in a free and tolerant society wore blue. Redshirts v. Blueshirts. It was just like color war.). In fact, the camp analogy was not far off--this was straight out of Jesus Camp. We presumed their afternoon schedule went something like this:
2:00: Arts and Crafts (make anti-gay signs for protest)
3:00: Free Swim
3:45: Board bus for Anchorage
4:30: Hate Mongering
Here are some pictures of the campers kids in action:

Despite waving these signs, none of them could explain exactly how the proposed ordinance was unconstitutional, or antithetical to American or Alaskan values. But that may be because they didn't know what "antithetical" meant.

Really? Would Jesus want people to be fired from their jobs for being gay?

"Truth is Not Hate"? That doesn't even make any sense.

I kind of like the minimalist approach used here.

Definitely a family-friendly event.

"Non-Homosexuals Have Rights"? Good one.

Future leader of the Aryan Nation. I just kept taking pictures of the kids until they got really uncomfortable, or started smiling and waving at me.

"I just got my license!"

Hate the sin? What sin? Wanting to not be denied a place to live because you happen to be gay? Isn't invidious discrimination also a sin?

These kids don't look happy at all.

"If we leave now we can make it to Abercrombie and Fitch before they close."

"Ohmygod Mom, where are you? You promised to pick me up at 6:00."

Someone came up with a really clever sign about the kids:

Who was that incredibly witty someone you ask? Rumor has it that it was this guy:


The Redshirts'whole argument comes down to this pithy statement that they kept repeating: "No special rights." But that doesn't mean anything. What are special rights? Being treated like everyone else? Having the same legal protections as the rest of society? Please. It's a bullshit argument. Equal rights are not special rights.

Rather than recap the whole evening, visit The Mudflats for a pretty good play-by-play. I'd prefer to review some of the more humorous moments from the evening. To begin, this tongue-in-cheek sign:


Now look at the guy in the middle of the picture below. He was really funny. It's a little hard to see, but his sign, written in red, says "I'm just in it for the chicks" and has a swastika crossed out with a cross drawn next to it instead. He marched around with the Redshirts and it took them a while to figure out he was making fun of them.


It may seem mean or disrespectful to their point of view to trash the Redshirts like this (and it is definitely immature to make fun of them like I do, but inside I'm like twelve years old), but I think it is permissible here. I will always vigorously defend someone's right to speak their mind, even if their opinions are abhorrent to me. But I will not respect you if your opinion is ignorant or uninformed, as was the case last night. That most of the Redshirts didn't know the facts was made painfully clear when one of the City administrators announced to a throng of them that "If you want to testify on 64, you have to sign up." That led to this exchange:
Redshirt: "What's 64?"
Administrator: "Uh, it's the number of the ordinance."
Redshirt: "What do you mean?"
So, back to the teasing. Every subset of protestor was present last night--the guy who brings his bongo drums, the religious fanatics, the old hippies who sing We Shall Overcome, etc. But my favorite kind of protesters are the "silent-but-deadly" types--the ones who walk right up to the opposing side and just stand there, all up in their grills, holding a sign and not saying anything. This guy did that to Brendan and Brendan's response was perfect: he just held up the mini sign I made him in response to their "Truth Is Not Hate" meme (it says "Not Truth Is Hate"):

The Jesus Brigade was also out in full force. This woman was literally thumping a Bible all evening and seemed pretty mad (unfortunately, my camera battery died and she had put the Bible away by the time I secured a replacement and started snapping photos again. Note to self: always charge your camera before a protest). I think she was mad because no one sent her the "don't wear a blue shirt" memo. I affectionately called her Kimberly Jong-il:

Not to be outdone, this scary lady sprang into action. First she fished some little pamphlets out of her purse and then waved them around:
Then she came right up and yelled "NO SPECIAL RIGHTS!" right in my face. I was afraid.

And if you are wondering about that sweet scarf/head covering she is wearing, it's pretty awesome: it is festooned with I Heart Jesuses and angels:

This seems like a good time to talk about Redshirt style. And since Myster wasn't there, somebody has to do it. As the pictures above illustrate, being an Anti-Gay Activist does not imbue one with good fashion sense. These people made some bad choices:

For the active gay-hater who needs to go directly from the office to the protest, it's the new Jaclyn Smith line from JC Penney.

The girl in the middle: weird tunic-like thing and the worst. shoes. ever. to wear to a 6 hour long protest.

This guy breaks so many fashion rules that I lost count. His main sins: mis-matched tracksuit (misdemeanor) and socks with sandals in the first degree (10-20 years, min.)

I'm sorry, these guys are so gay. How long till they realize they are on the wrong side? And how long before their little friend throws away her Promise Ring and dates a 24 year old with a Camaro?

The highlight of the evening, style-wise, was this celebrity sighting: It's Dog the Bounty Hunter!

I think he saved that sign from an earlier protest because same-sex marriage was not even close to the issue being discussed. But I wouldn't expect this dickhead to know what was going on, he was too busy leading groups of kids around chanting "STRAIGHT IS GREAT!"

He was also yelling "If you're gay, jump!" to the people watching the protest from this bridge:

What an asshole. Let's make fun of him: First, he has a picture-perfect mullet. We have to acknowledge that; it really is a thing of beauty. But, as someone commented, "It must be nice to only have to use gel on the top of your head." His clothing fascinates me. Aside from the Oakley Thumper sunglasses/mp3 player combo, he is wearing a long sleeve shirt with a Harley Davidson flame logo, a short sleeve shirt over that and a leather vest with a totally creepy Jesus logo:


Here is a close-up of the logo. The banner on the top says "Jesus." The banner on the bottom says "Spiritual Freedom." In between there is a cross draped with a shroud and that is all in-between two opened hands breaking free from their chains. Who designs this stuff?


Unfortunately, all of the fun we were having was marred by a few things: (1) the realization that we have to debate equality at all. It's 2009, for Christ's sake haven't we moved past this? (2) the fact that so many people signed up to testify that the Assembly meeting ended before they could vote on the ordinance; and (3) this guy:

Mr. Dirtypants and Flashdance Shirt worried me. I saw that he was just standing around by himself and I thought he looked like he was waiting to start some trouble.

Of course, an hour later he punched someone in the face who made a derogatory comment about Jesus. Love thy neighbor! Here he is getting arrested:

The guy who got punched is okay, but his sunglasses were broken. Fortunately, this was an isolated incident and several people came over to apologize to the victim. Most everyone was behaved and the Anchorage Police Deparment did a great job.

Back to the funny stuff. These are things that were said or yelled by people within earshot:
  • “Look! It’s the kids from Big Love!”
  • "I wish I had kids so I could exploit them too."
  • "I wore this hat because I thought it could lead to us finding some common ground. We will always disagree on equality, but we can all agree that the Mets are awesome."
  • "I really want to be attracted to you, but you’re a racist."
  • (in response to the "Straight is great!" chant): "Straight’s not all it’s cracked up to be, especially in this town."
  • "It looks like it is really hard being Mrs. Alaska." RE: Mrs. Alaska, this was really weird. She was at the rally, very clearly on the red side (Apparently, Mrs. Alaska is a bitch.). At one point she walked into the street between the two sides of protesters, silenced the crowd, did one of those pageant wave things and then just walked away without saying anything. Very odd. And, serioulsy? An equal rights protest was the best gig she could get? You suck, Mrs. Alaska. Here is a picture from the ADN where she is marching hand-in-hand with her husband (is he automatically Mr. Alaska? Will someone please look into this, I want to know.):
  • “It’s not gay if it’s with a priest.”
  • "Is it still abstinence if you just do it in the ass?"
  • "If you want to be literal about the Bible and live under those rules, then give me your cell phone and you don’t get any medicine."
  • (after a Redshirt swiped a spider off of his shoulder): "So you hate animals too?"
  • "Well, you can’t find a gene that says you’re a dick, but you are one."
  • "You just hate Coldplay because Chuck Klosterman told you to."
No one on the other side was laughing, smiling, or cracking jokes. We had fun (which is what you have to do to prevent yourself from freaking out over the hate and ignorance spewing from the other side) and we are totally going to win. Because we are right.