Overheard in Anchorage: Early Spring 2010 Edition

Two Dudes Talking in a Bar
-"She’s really hot, but I don’t miss her.  Just dating someone who is hot isn’t enough for me anymore. Why do I need more than that all of a sudden?"
-"Because you’re not on the cast of Jersey Shore."

Two Chicks Talking in a Bar
-"Did I tell you I know someone who dated Derek Jeter?"
-"You know Mariah Carey?"

Sign of the Times
-Teen #1: "I’m not buying that cell phone--it can’t do anything, it’s just a phone."
-Teen #2: "Why would anyone want a phone that’s just a phone?"

Overheard at an Office-Warming Party
-Hipster Guy: "My band is making a video.  It’s on our website now. We were trying to do it MTV-style, but, you know, a little better and more refined."
-Non-hipster Guy:  "You mean like VH1?"

Only in Alaska: Overheard on a Dog Walk
-"Watch out, there’s a moose in the rose garden."

The Iron Horse
-Typical Anchorage Guy #1: "When was the last time you missed a First Tap at the Bear Tooth?"
-Typical Anchorage Guy #2: "It’s been a while."
-Typical Anchorage Guy #1: "You’re like the Lou Gehrig of First Tap."

Overheard in a Hallway at UAA
-Woman on cell phone: “The reason why cursive is awesome is that it's a faster way to write words.”

Two Other Dudes Talking at a Bar
-"There's an at sign [@] in this text I just got! How do you do that?! I have to press like option, shift, and go through 4 menus to get to the symbols on my phone!"
-"That's because your phone is so old.  You have a rotary cell phone."

Catching Up
-"How was your weekend?"
-"I don’t know. Talkeetna is like Vegas. I never remember what happens there."

Hanging Out With Too Many Lawyers
-"Did you hear about that ridiculous defense her attorney tried to use?"
-"Yeah, I knew all about it. I saw it on Law and Order once.  You can’t let a little thing like jurisdiction get in the way of a good courtroom drama."

Overheard during the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics
-"Who is that, the Prime Minister of Canada?"
-"No that's Wayne Gretzky."
-"He’s not the Prime Minister?"

-Short Woman at Coffee Shop: "Would your friend be interested in a short-haired girl who used to be into women but now thinks she is into men?"
-Tall Man at Coffee Shop: "Is he her type?"
-Short Woman at Coffee Shop: "I don't know, her type is women."

Overheard Political Discussion 
-Bald Guy With Giant Sideburns:  "I would have voted for 2000 John McCain, or JM2K as I like to call him."

How to Get Away With It
-"I purge my texts constantly. I've been doing that for a long time. Even before Tiger Woods."

Not Overheard, But Said Directly to Me by Someone Who Really Wants to Be In One of These
-Emma:  "I’m done with the ACLU. I’m going to rely on someone else to protect my civil liberties. Like me and my gun."