3.06.2011

Overheard in Anchorage: Surviving The Winter Edition

Yes, it took me five eight months to collect all of these.

Catch-22 (pounds)
-“I don’t want to be fat anymore, but I also really want a pizza right now.”

-“The camera adds 10 pounds. The Internet adds 20.”

-“Snickers are actually good for you; they have peanuts in them.”

-“I’m never eating oatmeal cookies again. Every time I eat one I feel like I was cheated out of a dessert.”

-Aspiring Runner #1: “I want to go running, but I can't run in these shoes. Can we go later?”
-Aspiring Runner #2: “No. You can't run in those shoes? I can’t run in this body.”

Overheard on a College Campus
-“I’m better at arguing with people who aren't as smart as I am.”

-“Do people in Latin America come from Latin? Where is Latin anyway?”

-Computer Science Student: “I can't go to that party. I like to hang out with my cat at 4 am."

-“You can't make up for not enough information about one subject with too much information about another. That's not how the world works.”

Modern Love
-“I think the ‘When I was your age I had to use a VCR with no remote control to watch porn, and even then I could only watch when my parents weren't home’ line is the modern equivalent of ‘I had to walk 12 miles to school, in the snow, uphill, with no shoes.'"

-“I like that women with kids or husbands put pictures of their kids or husbands with them in their Facebook profile picture. Makes it easy to figure out if you want to be friends with them or not. And it’s easier than looking for a wedding ring.”

-Dude #1: “I dated a lesbian once. It didn't work out.”
-Dude #2: “No shit.”

-“I've never heard a Russian mail order bride story that ended well.”

-“For a woman that's coming out of a shitty divorce, I'm a great catch.”

-Older Male Co-worker to Younger Female Co-worker: “You were supposed to introduce me to your hot young girlfriends. Instead you are just sleeping with my old friends. This is not the arrangement I had in mind.”

-“Text messaging is the number one way to miscommunicate with your significant other.”

Economics Lesson
-Former Intern: “Involuntary servitude is illegal under the 13th Amendment, indentured servitude isn't.”
-Aspiring Intern: “Is that why internships are legal?”

You May Watch Too Much TV
-Researcher: “We have all of these data sets on the server--all full of information--but no one has gone through it all; no one knows what's in it.”
-Non-Researcher: “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I've been watching a lot of reality tv shows about people who buy abandoned storage units. They don’t know what they’re going to find in there either.”

-Conspiracy Theorist: "Did you hear about how china is hoarding precious metals that are needed for telecommnications devices? It could make them very powerful and ruin us."
-Overgrown Adolescent: "Did you say China or COBRA? Because that's the kind of thing that COBRA would do, and in fact I think they tried that at least once."

-Female DWTS* Viewer: "I'm hoping Hoff, Bristol and the Sitch go all the way."
-Male DWTS Viewer: "Do you realize what you just said?
-Female DWTS Viewer: "I just threw up in my mouth a little."
-Male DWTS Viewer: “I didn't. I’d like to see that.”

*Dancing With The Stars

-"Is this reality tv or real tv?"

Alaska: Where we never miss a chance to party like it's 1992.
-“Are you going to the G-Love concert?”

Why You Shouldn't Let Your Co-Worker Get Your Coffee
-“I don't trust him to not over cream it."

If Only It Really Worked This Way
-Hipster Boy in Coffee Shop: “I just lost the internet signal.”
-Hipster Girl in Coffee Shop: “That's because you were searching for J-Lo lyrics. The internet cut you off.”

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